Please Please Me
by therubyone
Summary: A comic parody in 6 chapters.  Drake & Josh are grounded again. But Josh has a surprise:  he's planned a special evening out on the town, including a double date, but will things go according to plan?  RATED M: Mature  for slash, het, drug use!
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** therubyone  
**Word Count**: 12,175  
**Disclaimer:** Drake and Josh SO not owned by me, but are the properties of powerful corporations I do not wish in any way to piss off; no profit made nor sought by me.  
**Summary:** Josh and Drake are grounded again, but the boys are pleased to spend the time together. Josh has planned a special evening for them out on the town, including a double date, but will things go according to plan?  
**Rating:** M for Mature - contains slash, drug use and het, so be warned!  
**Spoilers:** Action set in the general D/J universe soon after the events shown in the _**Steered Straight**_ episode.

**Teaser:** "_Come here, if you want me to please you._"  
**Author's Note:** This is seriously slashy, that means descriptions of male/male sexual activity. If you find this upsetting, skip to Chapter 3 immediately!  
Ch 1 of 6

**PLEASE PLEASE ME**

Chapter 1. **Grounded Again.**

Josh Nichols leaned back on the bedroom sofa. His pants were down around his knees. Drake Parker was alongside, bending over his lap and vigorously sucking his cock. Josh was rapidly reaching the point of no return, when the motion stopped. Somewhat malevolently, Drake pulled away and with a smirk inquired, "Well, am I better than she is?"

Josh sighed, and then groaned.

Looking up, Drake insisted, "Tell me, or I'll leave you to finish by yourself."

"When did this turn into a contest?" asked Josh, with resignation.

Drake, continuing to grin, taunted, "Since I read your journal and found out about your last date with Register 5."

Shaking his head, Josh sighed again, saying "Why do you insist on violating my personal boundaries all the time? This isn't fair at all, you know."

Drake wanted to win the argument, so he started stroking Josh's erection nice and steady. Despite his annoyance, a wave of pleasure washed over Josh and he admitted "You know me so well, and we've had more times together, so I'll have to say you ARE better. Satisfied?"

Drake made a general "humph" sound and again placed his mouth on Josh's fine dick. Josh rested his large hand on Drake's back, while Drake continued to drive him crazy with every bob of his auburn-haired head.

Drake could feel Josh's hand bunching up the fabric on the back of his shirt, communicating his advanced state of excitement. Following a sharp intake of breath, Josh hissed warningly, "Teeth!" and pulled hard on the shirt. Drake opened his mouth a bit wider, made sure his lips were covering his teeth, and started to suck a little faster. This set off a chain reaction in Josh's scrotum, resulting in a series of violent muscular contractions, which released jets of semen, culminating in a near-blackout of ecstasy for Josh.

Drake reached over to the coffee table, grabbed the glass of water sitting there, and let the fluid fall from his mouth into the glass, gazing at the white, gluey strands as they swirled around and sank to the bottom. When Josh's breathing slowed, he gave a throaty chuckle, saying, "Watching you do that makes me feel like a rattlesnake you've just milked of its venom."

Drake barked out "Ha!" and replied, "You know I don't like to swallow."

Drake had pounced on Josh with lecherous abandon the minute Josh had returned from work earlier that evening. Josh was tired and now feeling, not quite drained, but extremely relaxed. He got up to finish changing out of his work clothes.

Drake lit a stick of incense and put it in the holder. Then he fired up a doobie and took a long drag. He was mighty buzzed and that's why he couldn't keep his hands off Josh. The two of them were grounded. Again. They were allowed out to attend school and go to work. Drake was too high to bother climbing out the window and go looking for fun. He was happy now that his "cellmate" was back.

"So, what have you been doing while I was at work?" Josh asked, as he poked through his closet.

Drake came up and offered the joint to Josh, who accepted it and toked hard, several times, to catch up, then stubbed it out in the ashtray on the desk beside the bed.

Drake took a seat on Josh's bed. "After I rehearsed, I worked on that new song I started, listened to some tunes, did some reading for English, IMed some girls, noshed through my snacks, and that's when I got really bored and started trying to figure out your password -- so I could look on your user. 'PANTHATAR?' Please! Why not make it at least a _little_ difficult? It seems you haven't been giving me all the gory details of what you and Register 5 have been up to, my brotha!"

Josh, irked, sat down on the bed to put on a fresh pair of socks. "I don't give you the 3rd degree after every date you've been on. In fact, I don't WANT to know. Are you jealous or something?"

"God! Maybe I AM!" This suddenly struck Drake deep in his funny-bone; he started to laugh, snickering crazily. He got up and went down the steps to the lowest level of their room. Picking up the remote for their sound system, he selected from the early Beatles. The song _**Please Please Me**_ started to play. "Please please me whoa yeah like I please you!" Drake tossed the remote onto the sofa and started playing air guitar and singing along to the music.

Now feeling the high, Josh, in his tight, faded blue jeans and orange and gray 'hoodie of hotness,' returned to the couch. Patting the seat next to him, with a twinkle in his sexy green eyes, he beckoned to Drake and said, "I can take a hint. Come here, if you want me to please you." Drake flew onto Josh's lap and into his arms. "What do you think I brought you from the Premiere, hmm?" prompted Josh, rubbing Drake's nose with his own, Eskimo style.

"CANDY," said Drake in a fancy voice, "SPECIAL CANDY, I hope!"

"That's right. All your favorites," said Josh, presenting Drake with a bag of delights, which he had momentarily hidden behind a pillow on the sofa. "I figured you'd have the munchies."

Drake beamed, hugged Josh, said "Thanks, Candyman!" and cheerfully turned his attention to unwrapping and devouring a package of Flutter Nutter. Josh knew Drake had one hell of a sweet tooth and he had long since given up trying to get Drake to regulate his sugar intake. Instead, it pleased him to spoil Drake in this way, sharing his enjoyment and basking in his appreciation.

After tipping a tiny box of sweet, crunchy Dweebs into his mouth, Drake commented, while chewing, "Being grounded is like going on a vacation without leaving home."

"The ganja's turning you into a regular philosopher," laughed Josh, ruffling Drake's hair.

"And making me horny," reminded Drake, "Let's not forget that."

Drake had started eating something with a caramel center as Josh's hand began slowly stroking the denim between Drake's legs. With his mouth filled with creamy chocolate goodness, and the beginnings of a hard-on filling out his pants, Drake managed to say, "Oh, this is the life."

"Does that feel goooood?" Josh asked. "I can keep going or, instead, tell you about the surprise I planned."

"What?" Drake wanted to know, as he pawed through the candy. "Spending the whole evening in bed together, high as kites, watching anime porn, and doing it as many times as we can before morning? That's what we did LAST night." He added somewhat sadly, "And I'm still sore back there!"

"Ooooooooh, poor you. I'm sorry to hear that," sympathized Josh, as he slid his hand into Drake's back pocket and rubbed in a tiny, circular motion. "But, no, that's not it. Go look out the window," Josh said mischievously, barely able to contain his excitement.

Not knowing what to expect, the Easter Bunny or a mountain of marshmallows, still clutching his sack of sweets, Drake moved to the window.

"All I see is Walter's good ladder," Drake said, with mild disappointment.

"Yes," Josh explained. "That's to make it easier for us to come and go. I hid the ladder in the shrubs before my shift and got it out and set it up before I came back in the house. Our Saturday night is awaiting us out there."

An incredulous Drake inquired, "You? Planning something against the rules? This must be the result of the weed lowering your inhibitions."

"No. I managed to get onto YOUR user a few days ago: 'DRAKEROX' was easy enough to guess. I knew something was bothering you that you weren't telling and I wanted to find out what it was. When Dad called you out, in front of me and Mom and the cops, you wrote about how it upset you, and that you're tired of taking the blame for everything all the time."

Drake wasn't used to having the tables turned on him by Josh. He opened and closed his mouth without saying anything. Somehow it didn't seem fair that JOSH had read his journal, only the other way around. But it was true: Walter hadn't called him stupid, exactly, but what he had said certainly made him feel stupid, and bad. All he had wanted was to do something nice for Josh, planning a night out to see and hear the Hailstones - live! Could he help it that Jefferson Steelflex sounded like a gay porn star's name that the bouncer had recognized? See, it WAS like a real name, and _not_ just on Planet Crazytron!

Drake hated it when people made fun of his intelligence, or lack thereof. Sometimes he was afraid that Josh was going to outgrow him entirely. Josh could be patient and kind about Drake's lack of academic skills, but when he wasn't, the sarcasm DID hurt and only impressed on Drake the widening chasm opening up between them, as their time together being roommates was drawing to a close. That's why he no longer objected to being grounded with Josh; they were alone, then, in their own little world. Josh provided him with the opportunity to do all the dorky things he might have missed out on, like building model rockets, playing video games, having light saber battles, turning their beat-up sofa into a pretend rollercoaster ride, attempting to pull pranks on their sister, hanging in a tree house, a closet or a teacher's powder room, holding farting and belching contests, and making fun of bad movies and TV shows. Most of all, it was just being able to share each other's lives.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author**: therubyone  
**Disclaimer:** Drake and Josh are under the copyright protection of powerful corporations; most definitely no profit made nor sought by me!  
**Summary**: Josh and Drake are grounded again, but the boys are pleased to spend the time together. Josh has planned a special evening for them, out on the town, including a double date, but will things go according to plan?  
**Rating:** M for Mature - contains slash, het and drug use – avoid Ch. 1&2 if this offends you!  
**Spoilers:** Action set in the general D/J universe soon after the events shown in the _**Steered Straight**_episode.  
**Teaser:** "**_I think we're ready for some Saturday night action, don't you_**"  
Ch. 2 of 6

**PLEASE PLEASE ME  
**  
Chapter 2. _**Just Follow My Lead.**_

Josh joined Drake, still musing, at the window.

"And by the way," said Josh, "I also saw your lists. The one you made of all the pranks you've pulled on me was especially interesting, Twinklepuff!" Josh gave Drake a playful pinch.

"OH? I, uh, --" Drake stalled, thinking it was a good thing he didn't list any of the pranks he was in on that Megan had instigated.

"Don't worry," Josh reassured Drake, noting the wary look on his face. "I'm not mad. I thought it was very funny and ironic, however, that shortly after you started all the talk around school about me and squirrels, YOU ended up bearing the brunt of malicious rumors, after Eric gave you that black eye. So, YOU learned a lesson about the power of gossip, little boy!" Josh gathered Drake up and squeezed him tight, for emphasis.

Drake pushed away, pouting, reached into his bag of goodies and popped a Super Power MegaSour ball into his mouth.

Josh ignored the rebuff, sat down, and continued, "If you have read up on my interactions with Register 5 you'll know that --"

Drake raised his fingers into quote signs and interjected, mumbling, in a mouthful-of-MegaSours manner, "Sixty-nine so fine!"

"Besides THAT. If you read it, then you'd know she's a student at UCSD in La Jolla. She lives on campus in a dormitory, with a roommate. I thought you might like to double with her and her best friend tonight. The friend works in frozen foods at the store," Josh explained. Raising his eyebrows, he intimated, "Cold hands, warm heart?"

Drake sniffed and got over his huff. Still rolling the MegaSour around in his mouth, and pacing the floor, he replied, as if his tongue was on fire, "I might be interested. Is she good looking?"

In answer, Josh pulled out his cell phone, flipped up the top and showed Drake an image of two attractive, smiling teen girls, one of whom he recognized as the Stop'N'Shop checker on Register 5.

"Okay. But why would they be interested in high school guys?" asked Drake, continuing to pace, while working his green tongue around the candy, finally biting down with a satisfying crack.

Josh replied "I told them I'm an assistant manager trainee at the Premiere, which is true. And I told them you're a professional musician, which is also true. That's all they know."

Drake nodded admiringly. "Ah, misleading by giving selective information." He slipped into a deeper register and said in a character voice, "Good, young Sichuan! I have taught you well."

Josh continued with the plans, "Now to make sure we don't get caught this time, we're going to a coffee house to hear some music. No liquor license, so no need for fake I.D.'s. And if everybody's getting along, they can always take us back to the dorm. Brilliant, huh?"

"I'm starting to like the sound of this," answered Drake, taking in the fact that Josh had planned an evening with his enjoyment in mind.

"Register 5's shift finishes at 11. We'll meet the girls at the store. If Mom and Dad aren't in their bedroom asleep by then, they'll be downstairs in front of the TV. We're going to have to be very quiet. And since the parentals have our car keys, we'll have to walk. At least it's not too far. And, Drake, we mustn't get separated. I don't want anything to go wrong." Josh had given it a lot of thought.

Over the years, Josh had done a lot of things he might not have if Drake hadn't insisted, but, in his heart of hearts, he knew that Drake wasn't entirely to blame. Drake simply made it possible for Josh to get out of his goody two-shoes rut and experiment with life, and he was often grateful for the chance to take a risk. Being around Drake was never boring. Even though they both got punished when they were caught, it was always implicitly Drake's fault, because he was the initiator. Josh wanted the chance to change that equation. He rationalized that, after turning them over to the badly botched Steered Straight program, their parents had grounded them unfairly, anyway.

"I am the expert at the window escape, as you well know," boasted Drake, arms folded across his chest. "Besides, if we get caught, we are _already_ grounded. WE LIKE being grounded together. This looks like a win-win-WIN situation."

Josh knew that he and Drake wouldn't be under their parents' control much longer. Josh had already taken all the tests he needed for college and had sent off all his applications. He now just wanted to have some fun and make the most of his time left at home and with Drake. Drake had summed it up, even if they were grounded, they were happy enough to be forced into isolation with each other.

Drake hopped onto the couch, lay on his back, head in Josh's lap, then took Josh's hand and returned it to his own groin. "It's only going on 9:30, so there's plenty of time to be pleasing me first."

"So there is!" murmured a smiling Josh, who resumed the stroking. He leaned over to kiss Drake, and tasted a very peculiar combination of candy and cum. With a facial expression somewhere between a grimace and an involuntary muscle spasm, Josh said, "Dude, don't forget to use some mouthwash before we meet the girls!"

Drake ignored the objection and pulled Josh close, swallowing his words with a kiss. As Drake reacted, by pumping his hips in response to Josh's fingertips playing along the length of the zipper to his pants, his rear end landed on the remote, and the Beatles again were heard in the background. "Come on, come on, come on, come on . . . "

Too tired and wasted to deal, Josh said, "Do you think those jeans could be any tighter? I hate fighting that belt buckle. You take it off and that will please ME."

Drake got his pants down in record time. Sitting closely beside him, Josh's hands were everywhere, touching Drake's bare flesh, holding him, gently but firmly squeezing, caressing, rubbing, pulling, stroking and patting him, moving along his shaft, driving him wild. Observing the signs of Drake nearing his release, Josh had a small towel in one hand, as his other hand brought Drake off, he used the cloth to capture the flow of Drake's ejaculation. "Wow!" exhaled Drake, feeling his heart thundering away in his chest. "Those girls will have a tough act to follow." It was true, Josh did know exactly how to please him.

The boys got ready for their dates, cleaned themselves up and parent-proofed their room. Josh used their dirty laundry to make sleeping forms under the covers in their beds. He then hid their roaches in aluminum foil in a container behind a loose board in their bedroom wall. "Don't you want to take those with us?" inquired Drake.

Shaking his head no, Josh answered firmly, "And risk getting nailed for possession? No thanks. Besides, they've got their own."

Drake shoved the anime DVD under his mattress, and stuck the ashtray in the back of a desk drawer, then made a quick circuit around the room with an odor-neutralizing air spray.

Drake chose a form-fitting solid color t-shirt, with a contrasting band of color that went across his chest at the pecs, showing off his slight frame to advantage. He completed his look with the very tightest black denim jeans, his favorite white studded belt and white shoes. Returning from the bathroom, slipping into a gray zip-up jacket which hugged him at the waist and shoulders, he told Josh, "Well, 'Alvin,' I think we're ready for some Saturday night action, don't you?"

They walked to the window. "After you, 'Mr. Steelflex,'" said Josh, in a gentlemanly way that he thought Walter might approve, adding, with tongue in cheek, "Age before beauty."

Once the boys were on the ground, they carefully closed the ladder and put it back behind the shrubbery, then set off into the night, towards the Stop'N'Shop, laughing softly, like stoners, at anything and everything, all the way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author:** therubyone

**Summary**: Josh and Drake are grounded again, but the boys are pleased to spend the time together. Josh has cooked up a secret evening out on the town, but will things go according to plan?

**Disclaimer:** Drake and Josh, sadly, not owned by me; only borrowing.  
**Rating:** M for Mature - contains slash, drug use and mild het – if you find this upsetting, do not read!

**Spoilers:** Action set in the general D/J universe soon after the events shown in the episode _**Steered Straight**_.  
**Teaser:** "**_He felt like he had stumbled into another universe_**_ . ."_

Ch 3 of 6

PLEASE PLEASE ME

Chapter 3. **Saturday Night Special.**

By the time Josh and Drake arrived at the Stop'N'Shop, they were starting to come down a little. Probably a good thing when meeting someone for the first time, thought Drake. He had never been on a blind date before. Then Josh was introducing him to Register 5 and Frozen Foods, who was as tall as he was! Register 5 wore blue jeans and Frozen Foods was wearing short belted khaki shorts that displayed her long, slender legs. These college girls seemed more independent and sure of themselves than high school girls.

Josh's date "R5" was also tall, and had short, black hair, styled in soft curls. Her eyes were blue and her skin was clear and radiant. She had a long neck, and a friendly smile, with one dimple in her left cheek. Drake's date "FF" was model thin and had straight, medium length hair that had been chemically transformed into a bright spray of magenta. She was vivacious, with a small, high bustline. Her layered tank top revealed a taut midriff sporting a belly button-ring. She had a ready laugh, lively brown eyes, and her hands never stopped moving as she talked.

Josh put his arm around Register 5 and they proceeded to the parking lot to Register 5's old beat car. Once they were all inside, she proffered a blunt, lighting it, taking a hit, and passing it to Josh. He inhaled deeply and passed it into the backseat for Drake and his date. "Vanilla Dutch Masters - my favorite," commented Frozen Foods.

"I KNOW!" answered Register 5, laughing. Once they were all pleasantly mellow, they headed to the club.

"It's a jazz battle of the bands tonight, so we should get a good mix of sounds," an eager FF announced.

The exterior of the Sugar Shack didn't look too promising, but there were a lot of people milling around on the sidewalk outside. It was a beautiful southern Californian night. Once inside, it took some doing to find a good table. The couples wandered around twice under the dim lights before they lucked into a booth that another group was leaving. The girls held the seats, while Drake and Josh went to get drinks.

Suddenly Drake called out "JOSH!" in a loud voice, as he was wont to do when he had important news that demanded immediate attention, thus causing Josh to drop the two Orange Flips he was carrying.

"What?" responded Josh, suppressing his irritation over dropping the drinks and making a mess.

"You are not going to believe this -- look over there! Craig Ramirez and Eric Blaunowitz are here. With DATES! Two attractive females!" said a shocked Drake.

"Good for them," answered Josh, amused, stepping around the spill, and returning to the bar to get replacement drinks and let the bartender know that there was a spill that needed to be cleaned up.

Drake followed and insisted, "What if they blow our cover or something? Do they know we're supposed to be grounded?"

"Why would they want to spoil our evening?" queried Josh.

"Nerds can be unpredictable in a social setting," sputtered Drake.

"I don't think you need to worry," assured Josh. "Let's just sit down and enjoy the music."

Drake carried a Mocha Cola for himself and a Mt. Fizz for Josh, while Josh brought the Orange Flips for the girls. Frozen Foods produced a slim silver flask and poured something into the orange drinks. "Do you want some? I should've told you to get 4 orange flips. I don't know if vodka mixes well with what you've got."

Josh didn't think that drinking was a good idea for him or Drake, not wanting to risk anything going wrong. Diplomatically he replied, "Maybe on the next round."

Since it was so late, they would only be able to catch a few of the acts. The next set, performed by the Fabulous Fleckensteins, started with a catchy, soulful rendition of "_Dream a Little Dream of Me_," that combined the sounds of an organ, drums and an alto saxophone. Then they heard a song with a bossanova beat, a sultry female vocalist accompanied by guitar, snare drum and flute. Each song seemed better than the one before, and showcased a variety of jazz stylings.

The waitress brought a big platter of nachos. The conversation came easily to everyone at the table. Josh was casually monitoring Drake and glad that he seemed to be enjoying himself. Drake smiled inwardly as he heard Josh and his date deep in a discussion debating the finer points of certain graphic novels. "Comic books, so dorky!" tittered Drake, partly to FF and partly to himself.

Josh led R5 to the floor during a slow dance rendition of "Stormy Weather," featuring a pair of tenor and alto saxophones, blowing sweet and low. Drake excused himself to use the men's room. En route, he observed R5 and Josh, in a clinch, exchanging long, deep kisses as they swayed to the music. He felt a jolt of deja vu like lightning pass through his entire body, with part of him observing his stepbrother kissing a woman, and another part of him, experiencing the sensation of kissing Josh and being kissed by Josh. He stood stock still for a moment, puzzled, sorting through his reactions, then returned to his immediate mission. Once inside, he saw Eric coming out of one of the stalls.

"Drake? I never expected to run into YOU here," Eric said, rapidly blinking his eyes, and adjusting his glasses by twitching his nose. Eric was wearing a navy blazer with a crested pocket over a white oxford shirt, to make himself appear older; a plastic-tipped cigarillo was in the breast pocket of the jacket.

"Well, I never expected to see you and Eric on a double date with real, live girls," countered Drake, as he approached the urinal and unzipped.

"I'M Eric – you KNOW that! We answered an ad to tutor these two girls in math and science. They don't know we're high school honor students. They think we TEACH at Belleview. So, be a pal, and don't mess it up," requested Eric, in his best guy-to-guy way.

"Sure. Okay," answered Drake, feeling magnanimous. "Josh and I are here with some college girls, too." As Drake turned towards the wall and relieved himself, he considered what a funny, wonderful and unexpected evening it was turning out to be, and chuckled softy.

Leaving the rest room, Drake found that the original path he had taken was now blocked with chatting throngs of people, while the next act, Sunset 2277, was quickly setting up their equipment.

Impatiently, Drake turned to take the long way around to his table. To his utter amazement, he spotted Helen and Gavin, Josh's boss and a fellow employee. The two of them were sitting very close together. Oh. My. God. Gavin had his _arm_ around Helen! Helen AND Gavin, as in a _couple_?!? They were sharing some kind of frozen concoction in a large margarita glass, their heads nearly touching, as they sipped from separate crazy straws. Drake ducked into the crowd and managed to get back to his booth, unseen.

Luckily, Josh's hands were empty, when he involuntarily startled at the sound of a loud "JOSH!" in his ear. "Helen and Gavin are here - TOGETHER!" Drake announced, bouncing on his heels with glee. He then leaned over and said quietly, so only Josh could hear, "Do you think Helen will tell our folks we violated our grounding, if she sees us?"

Josh laughed lazily and replied, "Not unless Helen wants everyone to know about her secret affairs. She and Gavin have been an item for a long time now. But the word's out that Crazy Steve is trying hard to win her back. Apparently, she knows her way around the bedroom, if you take my meaning."

Drake was dumbfounded. Shaking his head, he said "I never would have guessed."

"Sure. Why do you think Gavin gets away with sleeping on the roof whenever he feels like it?" Seeing the semi-horrified expression on Drake's face, Josh added, "And we know if the door's locked, that she's gone up there to be with him. Helen throws some wild parties at her place, too. You've seen her insane condo. I've only been to a few of these events, since her feelings about me are so ambivalent. But she definitely has a thing for younger men."

Remembering Gavin's comments about his own sweet mother, Audrey, Drake said, "That works out for Gavin, then, since he seems to like the older women. By the way, have you and she ever -"

Josh blanched and his lip curled, as he responded, "No, dude! No way! We only played racquetball a few times. Besides, I'd be too frightened!"

Drake gulped and thought back nervously to all the flirty remarks Helen had said to him and about him over the years, the way she stared right through his clothes, the tight, involuntary hugs. Then he threw back his head and started laughing. "You never put any of this in your journal, Josh, and it's way more interesting than the stuff you do."

Josh turned his head to make a face at Drake as he was leading his date back out onto the crowded little dance floor, and said, "Just for that, then, I guess I won't be telling you how I found out our Aunt Barb is gay! Or how I know where her tattoos are!" He stuck out his tongue, for emphasis, and left Drake gaping. The song being played featured a xylophone and it got everyone's feet a-tapping. The music was urbane and sophisticated and contributed to the thoughts that Drake was entertaining: he felt like he had stumbled into another universe, or that he was on the recreation level of the starship in **Galaxy Wars**; he was learning so many strange, new things about people in his life that everyone else seemed to already know.

Drake continued demolishing the nacho platter, enjoying the music, and getting to know his date. As FF laughed at his comments about other patrons, Drake caught a glimpse of a stud in her tongue, and his imagination started him wondering how that would feel against certain regions of his anatomy.

Frozen Foods got tired of waiting for the server, so she went up to the bar to order a big lime slushie, for her to spike, so she could share it with Drake. Drake took the opportunity to slip outside into the back alley, following one of the earlier acts, Miles Davis Tribute, as they exited to load some equipment. He was particularly interested in making contact with the female drummer. Since Drake and Gary were constantly at loggerheads in his band, Drake was always on the lookout for replacement talent.

Ten minutes later, Drake was just about ready to climb into a van with his newfound friends, when he felt a strong hand firmly gripping the back of his jacket and pulling him away from the vehicle. Drake observed the warning signs of Josh about to lose it: compressed lips, narrowed eyes, tapping foot. Josh gave Drake a flinty look that said "_stay put_" and waved goodbye to the departing group, "Yeah, great set, see ya next time."

Bringing his face level with Drake's, Josh wanted to know, "Just where did you think you were going?"

"They invited me to a party," answered Drake, on the defensive. "I just wanted to make some connections with other musicians."

In a stern voice, Josh told him, "I hope you got a phone number, then, because I'm not letting you go off somewhere with strangers, not tonight." Firmly grasping Drake's elbow, Josh steered him back inside the building.

"Unbelievable! Eric's actually getting to second base!" Drake pointed out with awe as they walked past a couple making out in a booth. Although the male's back was turned to them, they could clearly see the outline of a hand surrounding a breast, underneath the female's long-sleeved form-fitting t-shirt.

"You do know that's CRAIG --," muttered Josh, stopping in mid-sentence when Drake stumbled.

"Let's stay outside a minute, in the fresh air," Drake said, touching his forehead and starting to look decidedly pale.

Concerned, Josh quickly got Drake back outside and steadied him up against the alley wall. "Are you gonna be alright?"

Drake was gulping in lungfuls of fresh air. "I just felt a little dizzy all of a sudden."

"Aww, have you been drinking?" Josh asked, fearing the worst.

"No. Maybe. Some," admitted Drake. "She let me finish her Orange Flip when she went to get the lime slushie. It was very strong. I guess it crept up on me."

"I know you've been smoking pot all day. Did you eat anything this evening besides your snacks and the candy?" inquired Josh, analyzing the situation.

"I ate most of the nachos just now," admitted Drake.

"All that stuff is swirling around in your system," Josh continued, "and with the vodka thrown in on top of it . . . no wonder you don't feel so great. It's extremely warm in there. Do you want us to bail?"

"No. I'll be okay," Drake said, wanting to believe it, trying to quell the spinning in his head and stomach.

"How's it going with your date - the one you were about to leave a minute ago, so you could go to a party?" Josh asked, with a touch of sarcasm.

"She reminds me a little bit of the Bartleby sisters without the Goth make-up. Maybe it's just because she's older," Drake said, sounding somewhat scared, "I kind of feel like the fly in the spider's web. It's as if she can tell what I'm thinking before I even know myself."

Josh replied, "Well, we can tell the girls we have to be going after this place closes."

"No! It's turning out to be a fantastic evening so far. I'm really digging the music and this cool club. Isn't this where Henry Doheny and Walter came that one time?" Drake continued to lobby, "Let's not end it because I'm out of my comfort zone."

"If you're sure. All you have to do is say the word, if you change your mind. We have to work as a team on this," Josh reminded Drake. "That fusion jazz place was a bar, downtown. That's why Dad and Mr. Doheny didn't take me along after all. I changed into fresh pants for nothing!" Josh remembered, with regret.

"Alright then," said Drake, squaring his shoulders and pulling himself together. "Let's get back in there, before the kitchen closes. I think I'll feel a lot better if I eat something substantial."

When the two boys reached their table, the two girls were sharing the frozen lime slushie with crazy straws. FF waved an extra crazy straw at Drake, then used it to point to a platter containing a cheeseburger and onion rings. "I sensed you were getting hungry, so I ordered this for you."

"You must be a mind reader. It's just what the doctor ordered!" replied Drake, taking his seat and reaching for a napkin.

When Drake had finished every last crumb from the plate and he was sighing pleasantly, FF introduced another spliff, with a head-tilting gesture to indicate going outside in the alley to smoke it. The couples took turns in the alley, which was beginning to fill up with other people who were smoking, talking, clearing their heads and/or making out. Drake and FF had a slurred talk about the Beatles and the history of music, when it came out in the conversation that FF knew how to play the drums! It was like stepping from black and white into color for Drake, as his evening's enjoyment quotient just shot off the meter. R5 came out after 15 minutes to shoo them back inside. Last call had been announced.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author:** therubyone

**Summary:** Josh and Drake are grounded again, but the boys are pleased to spend the time together. Josh has a plan - will it work out?

**Disclaimer:** Drake and Josh are characters created and owned by Viacomm, Nickelodeon and Dan Schneider – NOT ME; this is for amusement only, not profit.  
**Rating:** M for Mature - contains slash, drug use and het, so roll with it!  
**Spoilers:** Action set in the general D/J universe soon after the events shown in the episode _**Steered Straight**_.  
**Teaser:** "_Stay with us for the next hour and get your sugar fix_."  
Ch 4 of 6

**PLEASE PLEASE ME**

Chapter 4. _**Sweet Inspiration**_

The winner of the evening's competition, a quintet called Animus Rex, took to the stage and bowed. A number of musicians, from the various competing groups, came onstage together to play the last song of the evening, a real showstopper. A female trio belted out the lyrics and the instrumental riffs burst with devil horns and driving drums into a full-fledged 1940-style swinging version of "_Candyman_."

Getting his second wind, Drake took FF's hand and jumped up to show off his mastery of swing dance. _**"He's a sweet talkin' sugar-coated candy man . . ."**_ People started clapping in time and cleared a space as Drake and his date were swinging it up, but Helen and Gavin refused to be outdone. Helen and Gavin were dance aficionados who'd had plenty of practice with the jitterbug. With a small push from her round, ample hips, Helen literally bumped Drake out of her way, saying "Uh-Uh! Not this time, Drake!" Drake had heard that Helen was competitive, and, as he and FF crashed into another couple, he decided to join the other people on the sidelines, watching Helen and Gavin finish out the number.

The disco ball overhead was turning, throwing glittery pastiches of light everywhere as the drums continued to pound. When at last the song concluded, the crowd erupted into noisy applause. Josh put his fingers to his mouth and whistled loudly. As the house lights came up, a net of balloons and confetti emptied onto both the crowd and the impromptu band, eliciting a final outburst of happiness from everyone present.

"I could drive you back later if you want," wheedled R5, "but you've simply got to come up to the dorm with us. We're having too much fun to stop just yet."

Josh mentally went through his wallet, calculating that he had enough to pay for a cab later, to get them back home. He was starting to tire. Even though he had only worked a short, five-hour shift, he had gotten hardly any sleep the night before, fooling around with Drake. He knew R5 well enough to be able to satisfy her sexually pretty quickly, so he could get on with passing out and catching a nap. He had to make sure they left while it was still dark outside, so they could sneak back into their bedroom at home. He was astounded at how lively and animated Drake was at nearly 2am. He figured that watching over Drake had also contributed to his own fatigue, but he was relieved that the evening had gone so well – _so far_.

Josh and R5 had a strong physical attraction and mutual respect for each other and they shared many interests. Neither of them wanted a serious commitment. It was a perfect relationship for Josh, because he desired the sexual experimentation without the confusing pressure of being in love at such an early age, and, on the other hand, he preferred a regular partner over a one-night hook-up.

The University of California at San Diego campus can be found a short 15 minutes from downtown San Diego in La Jolla. The dormitory that was their destination stood 8 stories tall. R5's room was on the 7th floor. They all piled into the elevator and, as they started to rise, R5 began fishing through a tiny handbag for her keys. "My roommate went up to LA for the weekend," she informed the group.

Suddenly they heard a loud grinding noise, and felt a sickening lurch, as the elevator came to an abrupt stop, between floors. Both girls cried out, "Oh, NO! Not again!" as Drake and Josh exchanged worried looks.

"It's the Drake-and-Josh effect," blurted Drake.

"What's that?" asked FF.

"Oh, just when everything seems to be going great for us, then something bad happens, that's all," answered Drake, matter-of-factly.

"Well, this elevator always seems to be breaking down," complained R5.

"Isn't there a phone in here, so we can call for help?" asked Josh, opening a little panel next to the doors, and pulling out a phone, which, unfortunately had NO connecting wire.

"What's the number printed in there?" asked R5, getting out her cell phone. "We can still call for help."

After many rings, the call went through. The bored voice on the other end seemed skeptical that the call was a valid one. "Look, I'm reading the serial numbers off the panel. I can't help it if vandals cut the wire to the official phone," argued R5.

When she hung up, R5 informed the group, "Help is on the way. The man said it would be AT LEAST an hour before anyone could respond."

Drake advised, "We better make ourselves comfortable then. Look on the bright side, we still have the piped-in music from your campus radio station."

They all settled into sitting positions in the elevator, one couple on either side, careful to distribute their weight evenly, to avoid causing any tipping.

The next song that came over the tinny, little speakers was "_Pour some sugar on me . . . I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head, to my feet . . . You've got the peaches, I've got the cream_."

R5 cuddled into Josh's side, "Remember the first time we heard this song, Joshie Bear?" She started whispering in his ear and Josh shut his eyes and smiled in response to her sweet nothings. After 30 seconds, however, it was as though he had received an IM via ESP, and then, if he could have vanished through a hole in the floor, he would have. He could feel Drake starting to bristle, without even looking at him, and, in fact, kept his eyes closed, so he could try to think of an appropriate response.

"Oh, you want to tell us about it, Joshie?" demanded Drake, with hostility, since he _also_ shared an intimate connection with this song and Josh.

Without realizing she was saving the day, FF interjected, "I know. To pass the time, everyone tell the first sexual fantasy that pops into their brain."

Register 5 answered shyly, "Tarzan."

Frozen Foods added, "Hot identical twins."

Drake and Josh exchanged startled glances, then answered, simultaneously: "Princess Oblongatta, wearing the Robe of Curiosity."

Everyone broke into laughter.

The deejay cut in, "And that was Def Leppard, leading off our sweetest songs set. Stay with us for the next hour and get your sugar fix. Here's a golden oldie by Millie Small, singing 'My Boy Lollipop'." The bouncy 60's pop tune flooded out of the elevator's little speakers: "_My boy Lollipop, you make my heart go giddy-up, you're as sweet as candy._"

As if on cue, FF rifled through her shoulder bag and produced some Happy Farmers hard candy for all. "Watermelon – my fave!" exclaimed Drake.

Then, she retrieved a miniature deck of cards. "I always carry these in case of an emergency," she explained.

"Perfect, let's play some strip poker," Drake insisted. Maybe it was the music. Maybe it was pressure building up in his bladder. Drake's below-the-belt consciousness was taking over. "The new rules are TWO pieces of clothing per loss," he stated, with authority. Nobody objected. Before long, everyone was barefoot.

They continued to play cards through the Archies' "Sugar Sugar" _(Oh, Sugar, Sugar. You are my candy girl and you got me wanting you)_ and Bow Wow Wow's "I Want Candy."

_Ain't no finer boy in town  
You're my guy, just what the doctor ordered  
So sweet, you make my mouth water_

Drake took off his jacket, "What? It's warm in here."

The girls were losing, but it didn't seem to bother them at all.

The disc jockey could be heard saying "Now here's a cover version of a song that's been around forever. This is Bette Midler." Her sultry voice crooned, "_Come on a my house a my house, I'm gonna give you candy, Come on a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you everything._"

The card playing continued, but the game had moved to a different level. Unspoken words were translated into smoldering looks, driven along by the plaintive cravings expressed in the songs, mixing the metaphors of sex, desire and sweetness.

R5, the weakest player, was in her bra and blue jeans. Josh was the only person who was still dressed, but with naked feet.

Moving to R5's side, FF took her friend's hand, and said "I don't know if R5 told you, but I'm kind of psychic. I mean, there are certain people who really give off the vibes, and I can sense their thoughts. R5 and I have an old and powerful connection, so it's almost constant between the two of us. We've known each other since we were 12. We grew up together. I'm picking up that the two of you have a very strong bond as well."

The deejay's voice cut in with, "I doubt very many of you will know this one. It's by Free and it's called _Sweet Tooth_."

FF leaned over and starting planting demure kisses on R5's face as she slid her hand inside R5's brassiere. The lights in the elevator began to flicker and dim. Josh could see that Drake was too far gone to care about the electricity, as he stared lustfully at the girls.

The lights went out but came up again after 30 seconds. Drake had moved closer to Josh but he was still watching the girls intently, the two of them now lying down and kissing passionately.

_"People, won't you listen when I tell the truth __  
__I give her all my sugar, she's got such a sweet tooth yeah yeah"_

The lights again blinked out. Josh could feel one hand touching his arm and another on his calf. In a brief flash of light, he found Drake sitting next to him; it was R5 who had reached out for his leg. Darkness enveloped them for another 20 seconds.

In the next flash of light, FF looked at the boys, and said, "Does this turn you on? It turns us on. Maybe if the two of you kissed, it would turn us on even more."

In the dark again, the quiet sounds of clothing being discarded was all that could be heard against the background of the radio music. Josh was paralyzed, whether with urgent longings or overwhelming fear, he wasn't sure. In a brief instant of light, he saw that both Drake and FF were shirtless and Drake, kneeling, was in the process of unbuckling his belt. Josh recognized the primal look playing across Drake's features, before they were once more plunged into the dark. Josh felt R5's hand moving up his leg and onto his thigh. He wondered if he might be starting to have an attack of his recurrent childhood asthma, as he started breathing harder and faster.

Drake's voice cut through the blackness, stating, "This is ridiculously hot."

R5's hand was deftly stroking Josh's crotch. Josh felt a soft, wet mouth nipping and teasing at his earlobe, another hand sliding up under his hoodie, then heard Drake whispering in his ear, "Come on, Josh, let's give these girls a real show."

Loud banging sounds, not music, intruded on the mood, coming from somewhere, in the vicinity of the ceiling. After a few thunks and thuds, an access panel in the top of the car opened and a powerful flashlight was shining down on the group. A man's gruff voice, tinged with admiration and disgust, was heard, saying, "Well, what do we have here?"

It was as though a keg of cold water had been splashed on the occupants of the elevator. The girls shrieked and dived away from the beam of light, as they hurriedly felt around for their clothes. Drake, already crouching, pushed his way behind the seated Josh, who looked up and had the presence of mind to inquire, "How long before you get us out?"

The repairman snorted and answered, "A few more minutes. Keep your pants on!" He was as good as his word. In the time it took for them to get dressed, the car arrived at Floor 7.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author:** therubyone

**Summary:** Josh and Drake are having a special and secret night out on the town, will they get caught?

**Disclaimer:** The show Drake and Josh and all its characters are owned by large, powerful corporations; no profit made nor sought by me/amusement only.  
**Rating:** M for Mature - contains slash, het and drug use – I'm not kidding!

**Spoilers:** Action set in the general D/J universe soon after the events shown in the episode _**Steered Straight**_.  
**Teaser:** **"****_Do you want relations between us to stop?_****"**

Ch 5 of 6

**PLEASE PLEASE ME**

Chapter 5. - **Sweet Relief.**

As swiftly as politeness allowed, the boys escorted their dates to the door of R5's room. Josh knew that she was way too tired to drive them back, after their long wait in the elevator. He was so tired, himself, that he didn't even feel like talking, anyway, much less making love, and was relieved he wouldn't have to make any conversation on the way back. Besides, he was troubled by some of Drake's actions, as well as his own reactions, while they had been trapped and he wanted to get that sorted out as soon as he could.

Without discussion, Josh and Drake headed for the stairwell. Walking down 7 flights of stairs was preferable, rather than possibly getting stuck again. It wouldn't be too long until the dawn, and now their attention was focused on getting home undetected.

As they exited the stairwell into the main lobby, they spotted Eric, who was half leading, half supporting a very happy but inebriated Craig, who had a gigantic smile plastered across his face. Since Eric had already spoken with Drake at the Sugar Shack, he didn't seem overly surprised to see his friends now.

Josh called out, ""S up, Eric? Do you need some help?"

"Oh, it's Craig who needs the help," answered Eric. "This evening has been a major milestone for him. I have to get him back to Northlawn in one piece and without his mother killing either one of us. I'm surprised the cops aren't out looking for us: we're way past his curfew. I'm the lucky one -- I'm staying over at my sister Maureen's because she needs to use our mom's minivan tomorrow."

"We can help you, if you don't mind giving us a lift to our neighborhood." Josh moved to the other side of Craig and reached around Craig's waist, so that he and Eric were both carrying him, Craig's toes barely touching the ground.

After studying Craig's expression, Drake asked, with a certain amount of newfound respect, "He lost his virginity tonight, didn't he?"

For a brief moment, Craig returned from the outer atmosphere and laughed, "Yes, sir, that's exactly what I did!"

Eric spoke soothingly to Craig, so he wouldn't start singing at the top of his lungs again, "I hope it was everything you expected it to be, Little Buddy, but now it's time to sober up and fly right. You just hang in there, and Big Daddy will get you home."

Eric's mother's maroon minivan was a welcome sight in the visitors' lot. It wasn't light out yet, but the birds were beginning to sing, and the air was almost imperceptibly brightening. As Eric was trying to get Craig into the front passenger seat, Craig crumpled into a heap. Drake stepped in to help Josh and Eric as they struggled; it was as if all the bones in Craig's body had melted. Finally, as Eric leaned over to fasten Craig's seatbelt, Craig came to momentary awareness and flailed out an arm, which struck Drake in the face. Drake jumped back, his hand protectively covering his left eye.

"Oh, God, Drake," laughed Eric. "You'll never live it down if you get another black eye from a nerd!"

Drake answered, insulted, "I don't think he hit me hard enough to cause any damage." He and Josh gratefully climbed into the van and slid the door shut. Eric put some breath mints "x's and o's" into Craig's mouth, took some himself, and offered them to Josh and Drake, who also shared some. "Besides," Drake added, diplomatically, "people who have sex are no longer classified as nerds."

The ride was uneventful, and there was little traffic on the road at this hour. They all discussed the relative merits of the acts they had seen at the jazz club, as well as their dating experiences.

Eric said, "I'm glad Ms. Dubois was there with Gavin and not Crazy Steve. You just never know what _that_ guy's going to do."

Josh replied, "I know! I consider Crazy Steve a friend . . . sort of . . . but I'm glad he didn't follow them. He's been known to do that, and then cause a big scene. Helen had to threaten him with a restraining order to get him to back off."

Drake added, "Now that I think about it, Crazy Steve seems PERFECT for Helen. I predict that Gavin will soon be a thing of the past. Yeah, Crazy Steve's 'The One' for her."

Josh admitted, "You could be right. You seem to have an instinct for these kinds of things."

Drake leaned forward and said, "Eric, you better let us off a block away from home. We have to cut across the back yard and sneak in the window."

"Yeah, we're violating our house arrest," added Josh.

Eric looked in the rear view mirror back at Drake and Josh. "No problem. And thanks for not squealing on us to those girls we were with. I have hopes that we'll get together with them again."

"Good luck with that!" Drake said, repressing a laugh. "I guess it will depend on whether Craig has earned a repeat performance?!"

Eric, in rebuttal, said, "Or how badly those two need to get their grades up!"

Craig hadn't fallen asleep, but his mind was a million miles away, and he didn't seem to care that his friends were discussing his behavior. Tonight, he had become a MAN! And he was reliving every precious moment in delicious slo-mo, so he could burn all the details into his brain for all time.

Eric pulled over to the curb so Josh and Drake could exit. As he climbed out, Drake thanked Eric for the ride and then playfully punched Craig on the shoulder and said, "Congratulations, man!"

Josh also expressed his thanks to Eric and patted Craig, saying "Way to go," on his way out of the Montella.

The boys walked through the neighbors' yards on their way home.

"Josh, that was an amazing evening, possibly the best night of our lives so far," Drake told him. "Thanks for planning it. Even if we do get caught, I'm still glad we did it."

"Well, we're nearly home free, fingers crossed," Josh answered. "Do you think you'll want to go out with FF again?"

"I definitely want to see how good of a drummer she is! I think I'll stick with my fluffy bunnies, though. FF is the kind of girl who'd keep me on my toes too much. I'm not ready to put any effort into a relationship," Drake replied.

"Fair enough. I guess there are sufficient underclass females at Belleview to keep you occupied until we graduate! I'm glad you had fun tonight. I did, too," said Josh.

"And I can see how well you go with R5. I'm sorry I got jealous. I'll have to work on that. It's not an emotion I'm familiar with. I got too wrecked and I just let it all hang out," stated Drake.

They were in their own yard now. Josh wanted to continue this conversation, so he sat down, yoga style, at the base of the lemon tree, and continued, quietly, "We haven't talked much about this. But I think we can agree that what takes place between us is private and isn't for comparison with any relationships we have with girls. Is that also your understanding?"

Drake followed suit and sat down, leaning his back against the tree. "Yes. Pretty much. You might have been surprised back there, but I was, too. It's hard to describe, seeing you kissing your date, and knowing exactly what it's like to be kissing you. It made me feel so weird inside. Part of me got turned on and wanted a three-way, and another part of me just wanted to shove her aside and start sucking your face myself."

"Believe it or not, she's been pressing me for a threesome – with me, her and FF! Apparently, it's FF's idea," Josh said.

"I can believe that. You should go for it. And tell me all about it afterwards," Drake said, with a trace of envy. "Don't make me beg for the details, either. That could be so hot! You know, I almost considered giving in to the Bartleby sisters, just so I could have a 3-way. But I was afraid they might hurt me and leave permanent marks!"

"There's no doubt in my mind that you'll get all the sex you want in your lifetime, and then some," reassured Josh. "Which brings me to my next point. One of your other LISTS. I think you know the one I mean. Until I saw it, I never stopped to think about how many times we've . . . you know."

"That reminds me, I need to update for Friday night and yesterday," Drake thought, aloud.

"Drake, it's already a rather lengthy list," Josh pointed out.

Drake asked him, "What are you trying to say?"

Josh continued, haltingly. "I don't know. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking when it comes to . . . us. That's why I want to stay out here and talk about this. Once we get back in our room and start undressing, one thing always seems to lead to another, these days." After a brief silence, he continued, "What do you think is going on? What happened back in that elevator?"

"I just had a random memory," Drake said, moving away from the question. "When I told you I wasn't comfortable with the hugging. That was when you first moved in."

"Well, we're light years past THAT, my friend," Josh said, irritated.

"Josh, you _are_ my friend. And my brother. And _more_. Is it my fault you lost all that weight and got so damned hot that sometimes it takes my breath away when I'm near you?" asked Drake.

Josh spat back, "Why do you think I worked so hard to lose weight and change my appearance and lifestyle?"

Drake answered, as though it was obvious, "You wanted to get healthier."

"Yes," Josh answered, patiently, also with anguish, "but the main reason was that no matter how smart I was, or skilled, or funny, or worthy, or whatever, no girl ever looked at me for more than two seconds as long as you were around. My motivation was primarily to get girls. You might not ever be able to understand, since you never had to work at that."

Drake interrupted, protesting, "The girls are all over you, now that Mindy's out of the picture."

Josh returned with, "And so are you – all over me."

Drake said, "So what?"

"Let me approach this in a different way." Steepling his fingers under his chin, Josh thought for a moment. "Do you ever picture yourself doing the things we do with each other with any other man?"

Drake hadn't thought about it at all before. "Not really." He flashed back to Friday evening, underneath Josh, with Josh inside him, the feeling of surrendering himself totally, of being possessed, responding without volition to Josh's clever fingers and relentless kisses, face down with the mattress stifling his cries, clutching at the sheets with both hands as every thrust against his prostate built towards a volcanic climax that left him shaking, then, turning and clinging to Josh like a wet kitten. He answered, firmly, "No. Only with you."

Josh continued, "Let me state for the record that I would never, ever want to be with any other male in a sexual way. My next question for you: do you see yourself in the future with a wife and children?"

Drake smiled, his whole face softening. "I love kids. I definitely want kids," he said. He knew he'd make a good father. "I can sort of see myself as having an EX-wife. Or two. I'm really more like the bees, going from flower to flower. If I got tired of that, then I would settle down. I could be our generation's Gene Simmons."

Josh, baffled, said, "I thought John Lennon and Paul McCartney are your role models."

"They are – _musically_," Drake explained. "I'm talking southern California lifestyle here."

"Okay. I'm not ready for marriage, either, any time soon. But I like the idea of having a constant female presence in my life. I'm definitely the one-on-one type," said Josh.

"What are you getting at?" Drake, troubled, tried to make sense of it. In disbelief, he asked "Do you want relations between us to stop?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Author:** therubyone

**Summary:** Josh and Drake are grounded again, but the boys enjoy spending time together. Josh has planned a secret special evening on the town, can they get back without detection?

**Disclaimer:** No profit made nor sought by me: the show and its characters are owned by large and powerful corporations that I hope will not squash me like a bug.  
**Rating:** M for Mature – contents include het, slash and drug use, so turn away if it will not be to your liking!  
**Spoilers:** Action set in the general D/J universe soon after the events shown in the episode _**Steered Straight**_.  
**Teaser:** _"_**_We're horny teenage boys, after all_**_"__  
_Ch 6 of 6

**PLEASE PLEASE ME**

Chapter 6 **Sun Arise.**

"No," admitted Josh. "I was hoping, in the back of my mind, that the 'relations' would just naturally stop as we go our separate ways in life, when we leave home and become adults. But returning to your List. It seems like we are at it more and more with every passing day."

"True that," agreed Drake, wholeheartedly. "Megan is definitely beginning to suspect something out of the ordinary."

Josh, concerned, said, "You better delete that particular list then, or she's going to find it. Plus, have you considered what this revelation would do to our parents?"

"Obviously," answered Drake. "That's why we're being so cautious, to keep it a secret."

Josh finally arrived at the point he had been trying to make. "A secret that nearly got put right out into the open tonight, Drake! I'm not a genius at statistics, but when you get me all hot and bothered, and I can't say no, that's usually the last thought on my mind, about getting caught. I just can't seem to resist. The more we carry on, the more likely it is that disaster is going to strike."

"I hear what you're saying," agreed Drake, trying to placate Josh. "I'm the same: I can't get enough of you. We're horny teenage boys, after all. The fact that we care about each other and are together so much of the time just makes it more intense."

Backing up in his thoughts, Josh put his arm around Drake's shoulders. "I certainly didn't mean to imply that I don't care about you."

"I know you love me. I love you, too. Just saying it makes me want to show you how much," said Drake, wrapping his arms around Josh.

"Then don't say it," Josh said, as he pulled away. "It scares me how close we came to crossing yet another line tonight. If that repair guy had come any later . . ."

Drake, refusing to be put off, finished the sentence with, "WE'D have come by then, ha ha! I think you're worrying too much. It would have been an _orgy_, dude. Nobody would be the wiser. Those girls wouldn't tell. They've got their own deal going, right?"

"I suppose there's some truth in what you're saying," Josh replied, relaxing a little.

"Look, you're very tired," Drake said, trying to console Josh. "Besides, we're crashing hard after a very hectic night. You're a natural-born worrier to start with. I think you're being paranoid for nothing," Drake continued, as he rubbed the area between Josh's shoulder blades. "You don't want your rash to come back, do you? Let's go inside now," he said, taking Josh by the hand. "The sun's coming up."

Protesting, Josh replied, "But we haven't resolved anything."

Standing, Drake answered back, "We've got another week of being grounded. Plenty of time to talk about it."

Josh, sulking, but also standing up, said, "As long as we actually do get around to _talking _about it . . ."

Just then, the boys heard the sound of a door opening. They dropped their hands to their sides and stared, frozen in place, as Walter Nichols stepped outside, wearing his blue bathrobe and comfy slippers, holding a cup of coffee in one hand, with a folded newspaper tucked under his arm.

"You boys are up early!" Walter greeted them cheerfully, not seeming at all surprised to find his two teenaged sons fully dressed, at sunrise, standing in the back yard as if waiting for him. "I guess you're getting bored being cooped up like chickens. I hope this is giving you plenty of time to reflect on your recent behavior," Walter continued, with the joviality of a man who was completely satisfied with his life.

Drake and Josh traded looks that spoke a thousand words.

"Yes, sir, it certainly is," answered Josh, straight-faced, without a trace of irony.

Drake, in his best effort to sound casual, interjected, "Is Mom up yet?"

Walter shook his head. "No. This is her chance to sleep in. So don't go waking her up. We can manage on our own for a few hours. Since you're already up and dressed and ready to face the day, I've made up a list of chores for you to do around here."

The boys moaned and groaned. They were so relieved that Audrey was still in bed, since she would have been onto them in a heartbeat, seeing them in their dating finery, outside the house at sunrise, and smelling of smoke. If they hadn't moaned and groaned about the chores, Walter would have gotten suspicious, but beyond that he appeared to accept everything at face value.

"We didn't know you would have chores waiting for us, Dad. We need to change into different clothes first," explained Josh.

"Can it wait until we've had breakfast?" asked Drake, always willing to make time for a meal.

Walter waved them inside and sat down at the table on the deck with his coffee and the morning newspaper. In the kitchen, Drake poured two cups of coffee, as Josh leaned tiredly against the kitchen's work island and cooktop, rubbing his eyes with his right hand. Drake put three heaping teaspoons of white sugar in one cup and a spoonful of Sug-ahh! (a low calorie sugar derivative) in the other cup, poured in generous amounts of milk in both, stirred, and then handed the second cup to Josh, who accepted it gratefully.

"I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I'm exhausted," whined Josh.

"Go take a shower; that will perk you up. I'll keep Walter occupied," Drake offered. "You're not working at the Premiere today, are you?"

"No," yawned Josh. "But at least I could try and catch a nap on the roof there, or in the projection booth, if Horatio's in a good mood." He shuffled wearily up the stairs.

Drake took his coffee and went back out onto the deck. "Hey, Dad." He slid into a chair at the same table as Walter, who responded to the word "Dad" like an interested dog at the promise of a chew toy. "I wanted to ask you – you're still into jazz, right?"

"Absolutely," he replied, smiling benevolently at Drake.

"I was wondering if you'd mind letting me borrow some of your CD's. I've developed an interest in jazz lately, and I think it could be a useful influence on my own music," Drake told him.

"You've come to the right person, son," Walter said, relishing a non-disciplinary paternal moment with his eldest stepchild. "Let's go inside," he said, rising from his seat, patting Drake's shoulder affectionately, "and have a look at my collection. It's in my study."

Walter's 'study' was the downstairs guest bedroom, which he had slowly converted into his own personal space. It contained his train set, which traversed a miniature landscape all its own, going all the way around the room. There was a day bed, a desk in one corner and some shelving over it, holding a shortwave radio, police radio, weather radio, CB set, miniature television, combination CD/tape player, some youthful mementos and awards, and around 70 compact discs, every one of them jazz.

"The interesting thing is that I've got it arranged by both decade and style, a system I created myself," Walter said proudly, pleased that Drake had come to him for guidance. "If there's anything you want to know about jazz, just ask."

"I don't know that much about it, except that it seems to go great with onion rings," Drake answered, not wanting to get too committed, hearing with one ear that the upstairs shower had just been turned off.

"Indeed! I've had some wonderful times in jazz nightclubs over the years. In fact, that's the first place I took your mother on a date," Walter recalled with fondness.

Drake knew that his mother was not even remotely a jazz enthusiast and still found it hard to believe that she and Walter ever got past that first date.

Drake was winging it. "I'll just take two or three to start with. I don't want anything experimental, you know, that sounds like elephants being tortured... Or anything that is like it's from a silent movie. I like percussion. And horns."

Walter pointed to one section and made a few suggestions. "I think I smell the sausage burning. I'll just leave you to browse."

Not wanting to disorganize Walter's elaborate filing system, Drake went to the desk to find a few index cards to mark the places where he was pulling CD's. He opened a drawer, and to his astonishment, next to a half-pint of Scotch whiskey, he saw a 50-count cigar box. The label read _**Phillies Blunts**_. He opened the box and there were just three little cigars left. He took one out, carefully, and put it right up to his nose and inhaled. He instantly recognized the smell of reefer mixed in with the tobacco. He quickly returned it to its place and slammed the drawer shut.

He stood up and shouted, "JOSH !" He ran upstairs, CD's temporarily forgotten. Their bedroom was empty. Hurriedly, Drake changed his clothes. Then he stopped at the computer. With fingers flying, he logged onto his user, opened a file entitled MY LISTS. At the folder called "J," he clicked twice. He typed quickly. "5-star all-nighter at home Fri. On Sat. got J to admit my BJ better than R5 . . . then he showered me w/ candy & pleasured me, listening to the Beatles, 4 stars . . ." He selected Save instead of Delete. He went online and uploaded that particular list to an internet location that he locked from any but his personal viewing. Concentrating hard, he then changed his user password. First he typed in "IHARTJ" then backspaced. No. He heard the bathroom door opening and footsteps in the hall. "JOSHLUVR" he typed. He thought to himself, "That's it." Just as Josh entered the bedroom, he spun around and again shouted, "JOSH!"

For once, Josh didn't fall over backwards or hit his head on the door hinge. He did drop the towel he was using to dry his hair. He had a long beach towel around his hips, knotted at the side. He was freshly shaven, smelled of soap, shampoo and deodorant and his skin was almost translucent. Drake's eyes gravitated towards Josh's navel and the dark happiness trail that started from there and led straight down.

"What is it? What's wrong?" demanded Josh.

Drake immediately collected his thoughts from the direction they'd been straying. "Are you ready for this? Dad has three _BLUNTS_ in his desk drawer."

"Like the ones the girls had?" asked Josh, thinking perhaps his father was not such a dufus after all, and had maybe cut them the biggest break of their lives upon discovering them in the yard.

"Exactly! Do you think we should take them or just use the knowledge to blackmail him?" asked Drake.

"It was your discovery. I'll let you decide what you want to do. I am recommending that you just leave it alone. Fate was kind to us these past eight hours." Josh came down to the computer to stand beside Drake. "Everything could have unraveled down there under the lemon tree, if Dad wasn't the simple, trusting man that he is." Josh kissed Drake on the top of his head. "The kind of man I might have been if you hadn't corrupted me." He laughed softly.

Drake added, "Yes, it's a miracle that Mom was not on the scene to strike us dead with lightning bolts from her eyes."

"SO dead! Yes!" agreed Josh.

"Ooh, I left those jazz CD's down there. Meet me in the kitchen when you're dressed." Drake dashed out of the bedroom.

After Drake's exit, Josh turned to the computer. He needed to change his password. He and Drake had been playing at this game for months. He thought for a minute and then a slow smile formed on his lips. He typed in the new password "CANDYMAN." He thought to himself, "That shouldn't give him any trouble."

Then he went to a certain file entitled COOKING WITH SUGAR, opened it and entered, "Drake rocked me after work! What a talented boy! But he only _thinks_ his BJ better than Register 5. Went on double date I planned. Only a few minor snags. Then things got steamy, as in 'love in an elevator.' The lights went out & R5 was all over me in the darkness, after she got worked up kissing her best friend . . ." Josh tried to make the description as triple-xxx sounding as possible, so it would give Drake fits when he read it. He uploaded some pictures he'd taken last night with his cell phone camera. "Good times," he thought to himself, and knew there would most definitely be good times ahead.

THE LIVING END?


End file.
